You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
