just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
