Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
