My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Randomize
