i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I am never drinking with the goths again.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
