I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
