Screwed.edu
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
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