i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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