i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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