it wasn't lemon gatorade
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Randomize
