Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
We're like a lot better than the average bears
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
