College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
