3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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