Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
