Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I think I am morally bankrupt
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
