I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
