We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
