I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
