Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
