I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize