I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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