Old men and throwing up are my life now.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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