I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
