This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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