You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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