no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
