i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
