My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Apparently you make a good broom.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
