Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
