Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I did not marry a roomba.
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