Did you just see the Batmobile???
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize