girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
