I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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