it was like eating out sand paper
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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