I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
