I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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