first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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