I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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