You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
