oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
