She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
