I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
40s are totally the cure
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
