she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize