I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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