Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Randomize
