I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
