Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
