It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
