my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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