im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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