So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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