yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
