if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize