Pappa wants mamma naked
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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