What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
