Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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