i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
