I met the friendliest cop last night
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize
