I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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