I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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