lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm experimenting with sincerity
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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