She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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