i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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