Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
