This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
