Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
