singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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