Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
