As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
