You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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