There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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