$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
