she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
