she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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