he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
