Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
