She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
