He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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