Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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