the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
We left the knife in your bed.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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