Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize