I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
