I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
