i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
