Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize