so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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