did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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