Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
soo... how was my night?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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