U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
