I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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